Life in the Slow Lane

January 15, 2009

Feature films and KFC, together at last

Filed under: Entertainment,Movies — pauljlane @ 3:20 pm
Mmm, chicken ...

Mmm, chicken ...

Everyone has questions that linger inside their heads for years, perhaps ultimately unanswerable queries that haunt them on a regular basis.

What’s the meaning of life?

Why are we here?

What movie ties in most closely to each respective part of a chicken?

Fear not, poultry purveyors. Your answers to that third question are here at last. Here, in no particular order, are the films that relate best to each respective part of a chicken.

HEAD: “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace”. The most-hated of all six films in the “Star Wars” franchise, “The Phantom Menace” as part one (actually released fourth in the series) is just like a chicken’s cranium. The bird can’t exist without it, but once it’s served its purpose it’s quickly disposed of with little mind payed to it afterward. “The Phantom Menace” offered valuable background information, but it’s the least watchable of the films and probably won’t be viewed a second time except by the most die-hard of fans.

BREAST: “The Shawshank Redemption”. Not the first movie/piece of chicken you’ll pull, but it always satisfies, remains vastly underrated and once you consume it, you remember why it remains in your rotation. It’s meaty and juicy, to boot. Not a No. 1 pick for most people, but nearly always in the Top Three.

LEG: The Joker. I’ll defer to a movie character here as opposed to a film, drawing from Jack Nicholson’s Joker in “Batman” and Heath Ledger’s Joker from “The Dark Knight.” The Joker is the first pick for every Batman fan in terms of a villain they want to see, just like all the legs vanish from the bucket before anyone even thinks about the other pieces. There are fans of both the light (Nicholson) and dark (Ledger) offerings, which offer greatly contrasting options yet both have something that anyone can enjoy. All in all, probably the tastiest offerings in their respective mediums.

WING: “Animal House”. Great at parties, full of spice and zest, easy to handle, not too much to it so as to overwhelm the consumer, leaves everyone smiling.

NUGGET: “The Wizard of Oz”. Just like flying monkeys and talking scarecrows, only the strangest, most creative mind could have come up with the chicken nugget. No one really knows what it’s made of, no one knows why it exists and no one knows why they love it – but love it they do. The McNugget, by comparison, would be Michael Jackson’s “The Wiz.”

BUTT: “Speed Racer”. What happens with a chicken’s butt? Nobody really knows, just like nobody really knew that “Speed Racer” came into theaters last summer.


1 Comment »

  1. its sad but true, one of the all time best ever cartoons turned to movie butt. Speed racer was beyond a movie butt sir, it was that little yellow fat hunk that no one eats, even the hungriest.

    Comment by Mar — January 18, 2009 @ 11:09 pm | Reply

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